It has been awhile since I thought of the baby we lost, but today in church tears streamed down my face. I cried for the love I have for my children, all of my children. Even the little one that would have turned one this month, the one who resembled Charlie when I saw her in a dream shortly before the miscarriage. She was beautiful, and her face I will never forget. Tears flowed out of the beauty of being in God’s presence as I remembered. I let the tears flow for all of the moms who have children and love them dearly, but still there are children that they lost who are in heaven. And I cried for the mom who will be delivering their bundle of joy soon, only to pass them off to the mom who she chose to be the adoptive mom of the baby she carried. A mother will never forget her child, and that is beautiful.
I write this for you. The one who remembers. The one who will never forget. I want you to know that just like you will never forget, there is a God who will never forget you. He knit you together in your mother’s womb, just like He knit your children together in yours. He is with you in the joys, and in the sorrows. He remembers with you the things that you will never forget, even when people ask unknowingly “you’re not over that yet?” It is okay to remember, and to cry. But when you remember, also remember that there is a God who weeps with you. There is a God who sees all of your tears, and comforts you.
“Like a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you”
I am sitting watching my son, and some of the neighborhood children run through our bubble machine on this beautiful day. It is a joy to watch them play and run, and I also sit here remembering that my child that was never born is running with Jesus in the fields on heaven.
It is okay to remember. Don’t stop remembering. It is okay to cry. Your tears are beautiful. However, in your tears, remember that your child is with Jesus, in a place that knows no pain, no tears, and no fear! They would tell you today, I can’t wait to meet you face to face one day so you can see how awesome this place is. However, while you are here, God is with you as you remember. And that you, beautiful one, are as well a child of God.