Have you ever noticed that when we face change, we can categorize our lives as before and after the change? After you get married you tend to say “before we got married”, or “after we got married”, or after you have a child you will say “before we had children?” I think its an unconscious thing that we do and do not even realize it.But inevitably there will be the “befores” and “afters” that knock us down and sometimes we will ask the question “why?” The morning of the day I found out I was having a miscarriage, Charlie and I were having breakfast at the beach with my friend Annie and her son Cameron. The day was as close to perfect as you can get. Here is a picture that I took that morning (above). There was barely a cloud in the sky, and it was warm enough for the kiddos to run through the water park there.
A few days after the miscarriage, I went for a walk at the beach. I took a picture of the same scenery but it felt a lot different. At that moment, I realized that my life had changed forever. For awhile my life felt like it was categorized as “before” and “after”. Everything looks the same, but oh how different the reality was. This was not the same as our usual talk of “before” or “after” good things like getting married or having Charlie. But this… this was not the same as our fairy-tale goodness. This was not an event we will look back on with fondness, or happiness. This is a child that we will always wonder what would they look like, what would their personality be… would they be as silly as Charlie, or would they be more of a peaceful soul? Would they have a favorite blanket and stuffed animal? Would they say “amen” after us when we pray like Charlie does? What would their voice sound like when they said “I love you”? What would they be like when they grew up? These are things we will never know this side of heaven. But through all the wonder… this is what we do know:
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for ever.
Even when our circumstances are categorized by “before” and “after”, our Jesus stays the same. This is a Truth that gives us confidence, and comfort. This Truth has never been more evident to us than while walking in the valley. He knows, and as much as there is a lot that we do not know,we keep the faith in the One who does. I’m sure He felt agony as Jesus cried “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” only to be reunited with His son a few days later in a place that knows no pain and no suffering… no tears. Before the cross and after the cross. Before the world knew who Jesus was and after He rose from the dead.. tearing the veil away that separated man from His presence.
James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
I love the last line of this verse, that there is no variable in Him… no change… that in Him there is not even a shadow of turning… there is not even a glimpse. This is a perfect love, that is unconditional. It is a love that doesn’t change when our circumstances change or when our changes make our lives feel different… when it may be hard to know He is there. It is a love that doesn’t turn it’s back on you when things get tough, it is a love that is right there waiting to walk with you.
The changes in our lives are inevitable. We may embrace the changes that come our way, or we may not like them very much, leaving us wondering “why?” The truth is, we may not ever know the why things happen as they do. Even so, hold on to the Truths that you do know. He is good. He is faithful. He is the forever unchanging love.
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