With Mother’s Day today, it’s hard not to reflect on the last 11 months, or should I say 20 months? Motherhood so far has been an amazing, fun, exciting journey. We get immense joy out of Charlie’s smile and laughter, and get excited by all the milestones. The love I have for that little boy is unmatched. We have enjoyed many firsts, and many lasts already. We look forward to the future, but enjoy being in the moment. I often reflect on the many blessings that is my life. Last Mothers Day I didn’t have that excitement that most Mothers have when they are a month away from giving birth. Honestly, if it was up to me at that time, Charlie could have stayed in my belly for a loonnggg time! I didn’t have the excitement that my husband had, and I wanted it… But I just couldn’t get there.
About three weeks before Charlie was due a friend texted me saying how excited she was for Charlie to be born and how much she loved him already, and all I could think was “I’m not and I don’t”. I shared my feelings with a couple friends at breakfast one morning, and they promised to be praying for me. The next day I went to see one of my favorite pastors speak in New York City. I won’t go into the details of what the pastor talked about but I will suggest the message called “Who Told You That You Were Naked?” by Erwin McManus. Life changing. So God really revealed a lot to me during that time. The biggest thing was that I was carrying everyone’s expectations of how I would raise Charlie and their expectations of how we would raise our family. As you can imagine that is a very overwhelming feeling. But God released that overwhelming feeling that I was carrying, those expectations that I was feeling did not come from Him. He spoke to me very clearly about who He wants me to be to Charlie. He said “you will be his provider, protector, and encourager”. He said take your place as a mom and the authority I gave you in that place. And as I balled my eyes out during the song “No Other Name” ( that song will always have a special place in my heart) He gave me a confidence in being a mom that I didn’t have before. I walked out of church that day finally ready to be a mom. What a wonderful feeling it was!
Over the past 11 months, we have had our ups and our downs. We have made mistakes, like that one time on Halloween, he was really fussy and I was just done. I made a funny face at him. Well that didn’t go well. We went from fussy to bad crying in two seconds! Whoops… Never did that again. Or that one time I forgot to turn the monitor on before bed and Mike woke me up to tell me Charlie was crying. He wasn’t just crying, he was crying harder than I had ever heard. I can only guess he has been crying for awhile. But through the ups and downs, failures and victories we have tried our best to raise Charlie in a way that is honoring to the God we serve, and in the confidence He poured on us.
Moms maybe you’re feeling like “I got this” right now, or maybe you are living under the weight of everyone’s expectations of how you are supposed to parent, or maybe you feel like a failure as a mom.
No matter where you are in your walk in motherhood remember that God gave you the authority over your child. That He made you specifically for your children, and your children specifically for you. What a gift! He made you for each other! And His plan is good. Always remember that you can do all things in Him who gives you the strength, love, confidence, encouragement, and grace for you to take your place. Take this time to ask God who He says you are and take that place in the confidence of His love. Jeremiah 1:5 “I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born. I appointed you…”