Behold

Do any of you pray for a “word” for the year? I didn’t until a couple of years ago, and my word for 2018 was “behold”.

Behold is a word that shows up a lot in scripture, with a few different words in the original text. But it always carries similar meaning. It is spoken when God wants someone’s attention, because what He is about to say is important, or what is happening is important. Look. See. Lo. Perceive. Stand in awe. Gaze at with expectancy. Don’t miss this.

Sometimes the word is spoken by God, sometimes by an angel, and sometimes one of God’s people.

For me this year began with expectation, and quickly God was showing up. I remember in January just being blown away by God. Little things, that were big things. If God was doing so much just in January, what else would He do this year?

Sometimes we can hold expectations, and those expectations don’t hold the weight we want them to. They can leave us disappointed, and sometimes even angry at God.

When the year began, I am not exactly sure what expectations I had for the year ahead, but I will tell you what I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t expect that my faith would be tested more than it ever had been. I didn’t expect to really wonder if where He was leading me was good. I didn’t expect to be disappointed in God late this summer, when I was watching everyone else’s prayers be answered and not mine. And I definitely didn’t expect to be angry at God late this Fall, as we were left wondering Why? after an already hard few weeks.

What am I not seeing?

We take decisions in life pretty seriously, and so when we were trying to find a place for our son to go to preschool we took a lot of time to pray for God to place us in the right school that would be a good fit for him. And He did. He literally closed every single door, and only left one open. The door to the school he has been at for the past year and a half.

This school is not in our town and is about a half hour away, but it is close to where my husband works. We tried to get him closer to home a few times (like when we had time to look for a new school) but God kept him at this school.

A couple of days before Halloween, my husband found out that his job was going to transfer him to a store closer to home. The decision was made, and he was given 2-days notice. Once transfers are made, they are a done deal. And usually being transferred closer to home would seem like a good thing, but amongst other reasons this transfer  would make it impossible for us to keep Charlie at the school where God had placed him. A school that we all love.

In a season where our family already had so much coming against us, this was it. I was done. Why God? Why would You put Charlie at a school, knowing that we would have to pull him out of a school he loves, and find a place with in a couple of days (impossible)? Why do you have us in this place? I was angry. I was sad. And I cried a lot, like bad cry.

For someone who started off the year on such a high note, this was my faith feeling in a way shattered.

Teach me what I cannot see. Job 34:32

I came across something in scripture the other day that stuck out to me. It is from the book of Job, and Job tells God “Teach me what I can not see.” The hebrew word for “see” is translated to “behold” in other parts of scripture, and Job goes on to say that if he has done wrong, he will not do it again. But I think the first part of what He says is so important.

What am I not seeing? What am I not perceiving through His eyes? What is He doing that I am not viewing through the lens of faith? What am I not beholding?

Show me what I am not seeing. Show me what I am not perceiving. Show me what I am not beholding.

I was focusing so much on what I wasn’t seeing, what wasn’t happening, and questioning so much in my life. But forgetting that His word holds weight, and so does His leading.

Show me what I am not seeing. Show me what I am not perceiving. Show me what I am not beholding.

And what happened next happened because He did what only He could do. He interfered in the affairs of man, to get my husband into a store where we could keep our son in his school. I never needed to be angry, or sad, or doubtful if we had made the right decision. What I needed was to just believe, and just have faith in where He had led our family, because He intervened, just like He does.

What happened was impossible. But God makes the impossible reality. And that is exactly what He did when He sent Jesus into the world… He made the impossible reality.

He makes the impossible reality.

As I look back on the year as a whole, I can see. I can see where He was moving, even in all the questioning. I can see that He was doing things for our good. I can see that He is truly faithful, even when our faith feels shattered.

So as we leave one year and begin another, may we walk into it not expecting God to do what you expect, but instead expecting God to be God. When we are left wondering why, may we quickly turn to Him and ask Him to show us what we cannot see. And may we expect God to move only as He can move.

 

2 thoughts on “Behold

  1. Raisa says:

    Your thoughts today for me have been enriching. I too sometimes ask, why God? But this year He taught me the teal meaning of “patience”. He knows!

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